Conway Travels

Beginner’s Guide to Earning 1 Million Airline Miles by Having an In-flight Baby: A Farce

By now, many of you have likely read that a baby girl was born on-board a flight to Dubai, and the airline gifted little Haven 1 million airline miles! I know many of you read that because several of you sent me this very article (though I had already read it, of course ?) Clearly, you all must be very interested in taking part in this targeted promotion,  so I’ve outlined the simple steps to collecting these easy miles:

Step 1: Get Pregnant!

See, fun and games right from the start. Grab your significant other and five to fifteen minutes later you’ll have started growing your little million-mile-maker. That’s it.  I mean, everyone gets pregnant on try numero uno and almost no discussion or planning is required with your partner upfront. Besides, you’ll have plenty of chances to formulate a child-rearing strategy during one of your countless, always-timely doctor visits.

Step 2: Put Your Feet Up for 8 Months

During this time period, you’ll assuredly be waited on hand and foot 24/7. Friends and family will cater to your every need and craving while you binge watch Netflix series after series. In the unlikely event you do experience minor discomfort, your significant other will surely assuage you by saying just the right thing, at just the right time, while giving you foot massage. Money won’t be an issue either, as your your employer will offer you several months of paid parental leave — standard these days, of course.

Step 3: Book MANY Flights Weeks 38-41 of Your Pregnancy

This is when you’re most likely to give birth, so fly a long-haul flight every day, at least. Travel is always a breeze, but it’ll be a cakewalk now because you’ll be glowing and jubilant. Other travelers and airline employees will spare no accommodation or nicety, either. You’ll probably even get upgraded to first-class on most of your flights, too.

Step 4: Bring Along A Nurse

My wife, a registered ICU nurse, has agreed to to be your traveling companion for a sum of 100,000 miles — pocket change. If you’re really needy, I suppose you could retain a doctor, but nurses — like the ones who delivered this most recent baby — are more than capable. If you’re a gambling (wo)man, you can play the odds that a medical professional will probably be on board with you — that will add some extra excitement to this promotion.

Step 5: Have Your Baby On-Board!

This is probably the easiest step of all. Nothing is more natural than childbirth, and now you have the opportunity to share this experience with 200 of your closest seatmates — they never let that many people in the operating room. Plus you’ll be famous: not only for having a baby on board, but also for diverting an aircraft. That’s like getting a free stopover. Double win!

 

That’s it! You just collected one million miles in only 5 easy steps. Now start redeeming those miles to travel the world for free with your baby, which is even easier than traveling when pregnant because now you have an extra person to help you out. Genius!

 

BabyOB

Baby Haven, a miles’ millionaire!

 

 

 

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