Conway Travels

3 Reasons I Hate London

We’ve all read a million “Best Of” lists for nearly every major city in the world, but where are all the “Worst Of” lists? I mean, I love London and could write a glowing review, but that’s been done to death. And I’d likely die of boredom writing it, too. So, here’s what I hate about London:

1. Last Call. Does any city in the world shut down earlier than London? I could probably travel to a village in the Western Sahara with more optimal late-night eating and drinking options than London. Most of central London is completely closed for business by 10p, maybe 11. And, if you travel a few miles outside the city like we did for the NFL football game, you’ll be lucky to find a candy bar after 9p. We took up fasting that night, as it’s en-vogue now anyway. It’s no wonder you can find most pubs mobbed by 11a even: they’re trying to get a few drinks in before last call. And, yes, I realize this is largely due to some age-old law, but how about we consider a little adaptation? #brexit

2. Traffic. Los Angeles finally has a serious contender. Normally, I just take their Underground — which is fantastic — but I had several free Uber rides I had to redeem before they expired. On average, it takes 10 minutes per mile driving. And to make matters worse, your typical London driver has all the urgency of your grandmother on Sunday afternoon outing. Avoid the roads at all costs.

3. Football (Futbol) Fans. Not sure if I attended an NFL game or Queen Elizabeth II’s Afternoon Tea and Cricket Match this Sunday. Yes, there were a few rowdy Americans like myself calling for the heads of referees or 1.5 yard per carry running backs, but the largely British contingent of fans were as calm and collected as Beefeaters, no matter the play or circumstance. It didn’t help either that they only had the loosest grasp of the rules, meaning I spent half the game explaining to them what just happened and why. But at least they were almost all New York Giant fans, and we won! All’s forgiven.

Honestly, I love London and we had a great time. But no city is without its faults, and no one’s more prepared to rant about them than me. Just ask my wife.

Atop the London Eye

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